Monday, July 25, 2005


EA has just announced that it will be making Battle for Middle Earth II.

Furthermore, they announced that have received the rights to the literary properties in addition to the movies. We can look forward to huge Elven armies and Dwarven armies led by old Oaky himself! Melkor vs Sauron can be put to rest for good!


I need a bucket. My head just popped.

Sunday, July 24, 2005


This was going to be a simple review of the movie Constantine, not a nightmare of Proustian duration. But I decided against it and wanted to focus on Hollywood's obsession with the Zoroastrian religion.

Simply put Zoroastrianism was and still is a religion based in Persia about 600BC. Considered a monotheistic faith it puts great stock in the concept of dualities.

They posit that since anything evil cannot come from God that it is from something else and that something is given, in the ancient Zoroastrian forms, an entity of equal stature to God. I say ancient forms because the more modern Zoroastrian writings do not consider the two to be balanced.

Recent movies about hell and Satan and all that, and this list is hardly exhaustive: Devil's Advocate, The End of Days, Spawn, Constantine, to name a few recent ones.

The majority play out in a world where God and Satan are warring over the souls of mankind. Satan is always pulling some, Third Reich 4th quarter crazy play, in which some poor lady is impregnated with his seed, (ala Anti-Christ) and now the whole world is threatened and everyone, including God, is relying on one underdog hero to stop it.

The day God needs us is the day He is no longer God. "What does God need with a spaceship?"

Constantine pulls a concept out of the book of Job in which God and Satan have a wager about Job's enduring faith. The movie extends this wager to include all of humanity and makes the outcome uncertain.

It makes for a thrilling movie but I am so glad our world doesn't work like that.

A tangent I know, the day I get my html code to play a stinking wav file will be the day the Lord returns. So if you hear some tinny voice projecting out of your speakers the day you visit again get ready!

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

War of the Worlds

"...intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us."

Ah the smooth vernacular of 1898, how it traipses across the tongue and palate. Mr. H.G. Wells created a novel of such horrifying substance that even a century later we are still frightened by it.

With that said I will begin my analysis of Steven Speilberg's latest creation.

I will start with significant departures from the book. I will keep this piece to only major plot changing alterations as it is a given that the medium of film is quite different than the written and as such must be treated differently.

1. The Martians have been on earth before mankind. Or at the very least their machinery of war. It is stated that the Tripods were buried "millions of years ago". HG Wells has them arrive by "shells" as if they were literally fired from a canon.

Problems with this change? Tons. If the Martians had already been here to plant their machinery in advanced preparation of exterminating us once we became the dominate species than why not just settle here anyway. Populate both Mars and Earth at the same time? The environment hasn't changed significantly enough to warrant waiting. Not at least in comparison to Mar's environment. It's been like that for millions of years, perhaps billions. In addition, if they have already been here and are studying us so carefully then they should have some concept of single cellular life. We have them in our guts. They make up the foundations of our entire ecosystems which provide us with life. You mean to tell me advanced creatures from another planet who have already been here are not aware of bacteria? They have no clue about disease and they have been studying us as a species since we came on the scene? Please.

Even if they were not resistant to our microbes, do you honestly think they could not have made those amazing sophisticated machines hermetically sealed? They would have space suits if they needed them.

But doesn't HG Wells run into this problem? Nope. Why? The Martians have never been here before. They have been viewing us as we view Mars, by massive telescopes (remember this was written in 1898). They understand our ways of basic society, where we live, how we war. They have no concept as to our physiological natures or that of our fellow species. They know the constituents of the air and the size of our planet, it's gravitational pull and atmospheric pressures. Physics. They are totally taken by surprise by our pico-sized friends. HG Wells must have assumed that there was no such entities as bacteria on Mars, otherwise his Martians would have expected as much on earth.

Furthermore, what is the chance of mankind not stumbling upon one of these buried Tripods? They've been here for millions of years and yet erosion and changes in the courses of rivers has not exposed one? The drilling of oil shafts, subway tunnels, and quarries has never turned upon one of these titanic beings. Just how deep where they? Not terribly as was shown in the scene when it first appears in the movie.

2. The Tripods were dead-on. I was proud of those things. Menacing and titanic and yet still resembling HG Wells descriptions. Very cool. The Tripods did 3 things to eliminate man from the face of the earth in the book. They fire their super cool heat ray (singular), they collect people and stick them in jar-like canisters, and they spray a black gas that poisons and kills people. In the movie they do only 2, they fire their heat rays (plural) and they collect people and stick them in cages for future use as fertilizer for their red vines.

I don't mind the extra heat ray, it looked cool. Collecting people in cages is neat, no black toxic clouds, ok. Pumping out peoples blood for use as fertilizer? What the...?

What is that but simply a chance for gratuitous gore and not even that since the whole scene is hidden behind a tractor? Who would have thought that our blood chemistry makes great Miracle Grow for those red ropy vines from ANOTHER PLANET!? Dumb. And lets say that it wasn't fertilizer but fluid food, suspension media, for the pilots of the Tripod. Which would explain the massive gush of red fluid from within the capsule when opened at the end. What did they do before they started collecting people? And why not make the operation selfcontained. Why not have that long tentacle arm thing that appears in the cage just harpoon them there and suck out the blood? Just a dumb scene.

The vines are never explained. At first I thought they meant that the people were being transformed into them, now that would be gross. Maybe they were. Moving on.

Forcefields make sense. HG Wells was way to early to have even thought of such a farout concept but back then a massive walking titan with a heat ray was more than a match for early howitzers. I mean whats the firing rate on those ancient guns? In fact in the book the military actually takes out a few. One lucky shot hits one Tripod in the knee and brings it down. And I think a battleship in the Thames takes out another.

If the Tripods didn't have forcefields then they all would have been toasted by thousands of cruise missiles fired from deep sea subs. So although it's kind of Independence Dayish we'll let it slide.

Now that instance when Cruise is getting sucked up by that giant sphincter (Evolution was just screaming at me) and he blows up the whole Tripod with 2 grenades. Nice but come on! 2 grenades wouldn't blow up an Abrams Tank from the inside. That Tripod was huge and a grenade in it's sphincter chamber blows the whole thing up?! Well it looked cool though.

Did you notice though that this scene was the only one in which mankind kills a FULLY FUNCTIONING tripod? It's done by some hopeless schmuck loaded with explosives getting eaten. During the movie a person mentions that in Osaka Japan they were reported as having killed several Tripods. What people perfected the kamikaze attack which is exactly what Cruise did? I think that's awesome. Japanese soldiers getting eaten on purpose and loaded down with explosives to blow the Martians to kingdom come.

The heatray effects were cool. I liked the concept of the body being vaporized and the clothing that wasn't incinerated by direct contact just getting blown away by the force of the blast. All that ash was disturbing.

The scene with the church steeple falling was from the book, except it was shot by the heat ray from quite a distance and wasn't toppled because the Tripod was underneath it. And honestly if a huge soccerfield sized sinkhole opened up at my feet I would be hustling my little self out of there. And you can definitely be sure that if a massive 6-7 story alien walker crawls out of it I am way gone! Those NJ morons just stood around! What did they think it was? The Transit authority putting in a new subway station? Unlikely Mr. Spielberg.

3. Flaming Amtrak was cool.

4. That battle with the Hummers. Weak. They should have at least shown it. They could have made it horrendous. With those sad little trucks just getting pounded. Then a quick cut to a bunch more hummers driving over the hill without any clue what happened to their brethren. Honestly, those things get blown up by cellphones strapped to old mortar shells, like they could do squat against those beasts?

5. Although the aliens were not tentacle squamous octopus things they still looked cool. And I suppose it makes sense that they have 3 legs like their walkers. Just like we have 4 wheels like our cars...Wait...

6. How sweet that the whole family survived. Especially Robbie. Um dude didn't that entire hill get napalmed? Where the heck did you go to survive that disaster. Deus Ex Machina...gotta love it.

7. The scene in the farmhouse...too long with a guy that looked to much like Tim Robbins. They could have truncated that thing by 15 minutes and lost that whole gotta kill the raving idiot scene.

8. It would have been great to have had a scene from the International Space station looking down on earth getting smeared, the astronauts losing contact with each other's respective bases.

Man I should be a director, or at least an author.

9. I'm not bothering to talk about the car's ability to drive when no one else could. The movie explained that fine. I do think that when a Jumbo Jet falls on your house the chances of your van surviving should be close to zero. If it does survive the chances that a clear path should be made between the 2 halves of the fuselage and the wings should be nil.

10. The tipping ferry was neat. But seriously, what idiot packs onto a boat full of people when giant walking machines of death are marching all over the place. HERE WE ARE! ALL IN ONE PLACE! IN WATER! LIKE FISH IN A BARREL! COME KILL US!

11. The scene with all the floating bodies was neat. But where did they come from? Heat rays don't leave bodies. Did a dam burst or something? A bridge collapse upstream? Well I suppose those are highly likely. OK not a nitpick.

12. Um...where were the nukes? If I was the President and this must be the first alien invasion movie not to include a President, I would be nuking everything.

13. I find it interesting that creatures who live on a planet with a different atmosphere than ours, not to mention temperature. Could walk around without any issues.

95.3% carbon dioxide (CO2),
2.7% nitrogen (N2),
1.6% argon (Ar),
0.15% oxygen (O2),
0.08% Carbon monoxide (CO),
Surface pressure 1-9 millibars, depending on altitude; average 6 mb

78% Nitrogen (N2)
21% Oxygen (O2)
1% Argon (Ar)
0-7% water vapor (H2O)
0-0.01% Ozone (O3) both the H20 and O3 should be tiny 2's and 3's.
0.01-0.1% Carbon Dioxide (CO2)
Surface pressure 1013 millibars, depending on altitude of course.

The surface pressure of earth is the equivalent of 14.7 lbs per square inch. Mar's is about 1/150th of that. For a Martian it would be like breathing mud.

Did HG Wells know this? Nope...Should bet.

The only way it could work is if the Martians breath Argon and the other elements have zero effect on them. Yeah not likely.

Oh and the average temp on Mars. -63 Celsius!!!! Celsius!!! Whole Crap! They would have been hotter than a monkey's bum down here!!

But honestly HG Wells did mention the aliens complete discomfort and lack of mobility while within the crater trying to assemble the Tripod. Score 1 for HG!

Well it's after midnight and I'm sure I could go on.

My opinion of the movie. Good not great. It could have been great if it wasn't so summer time popcorn fun. Or STPF as I like to say stupf pronounced st-upf. As in stupid with a F and no id. yeah that's stupid.

Liked the big explosions. Whatever that city was in NJ, they got hammered. I loved seeing entire buildings just get shredded by that beam. Cool.

The book is by far superior and it's also free domain being over 70 years old. I think that's how long it takes to be free domain. Which means Conan is up in 2007! YES!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Props to my Homeboy!

Well my good bud Mr. Shoop turned one year older yesterday. And in honor of him I am contributing a list of famous and not so famous people who share his date of birth. The sad thing is, he will know 3 of these people at best. This is for you SHOOP!

1952 David Hasselhoff. The beau of Germany. The croaner of the Rhineland. The Knight Rider. I'm sorry Shoop, not much of a start.

Although he rode in K.I.T.T. That's something.

1947 Camilla Parker. Who? Prince Charles' mistress chick. yeah definately getting worse.

1934 Donald Sutherland.

Um.. yeah he's old and stuff.

1917 Phyllis Diller. I could only find one picture of her.
Dude you have the worst birthday buddies.

1912 Art Linkletter. Even I don't have a clue.

1900 James Cagney. Yeah Great. Well I saved the best for last. Here's some one you can be proud to share a birthdate with.

1674 Isaac Watts. The man.

He was an English pastor, preacher, poet, and hymn writer. Wrote about 600 hymns including When I Survey the Wondrous Cross, Am I a Soldier of the Cross, and Joy to the World. Considered the founder of English hymnody and children's hymnody. Published books of poetry, hymns, and three volumes of theological discourses.

The best part though was during the Revolutionary War.
In an attack upon Springfield when the patriots' wadding gave out, Rev. James Caldwell (of Huguenot descent) ran into the Presbyterian church returning with his arms and pockets crammed full with Watts' Psalms and Hymns saying, "Now, boys, give them Watts!"

This is where the term "give him/her/them/it what(watt) for!" comes from.

Well Shoop for the most part your birthday buddies suck but good old Wattsy there just saved the day. I was seriously hoping for a dude named Lothar from Norway born around 1228 or something. Oh well.

Friday, July 15, 2005

Those who took their first breath on April 7th.

My eldest daughter was born on April 7th, 2003. It snowed. She weighed 3.5 lbs.

Victoria Adams was born in 1975. She is now known as "Posh Spice" and married a soccer player.

Jack Black was born in 1969. He's a lot older than I thought. He'll be photographing a giant gorilla some time this fall/winter.

Russell Crowe was born in 1964 and beat the obstetrician over the head with a bedpan.

Jackie Chan was born in 1954, apparently 2 months late and weighing close to 13 pounds. yeah right. He also is a huge pop star and has released 100 songs in 20 albums since 1984. Ugh.

Billie Holiday was born in 1915. She died in a hospital in 1959. Boooorrrriiiinggg.

W. K. Kellogg was born in 1860.

That's the guy over there. Pretty handsome, why the ditched him for the rooster I'll never know.

And finally Francis Xavier 1506. He was a Jesuit Priest/Saint who traveled to India, Malaysia and Japan.

Man my family rocks. Well the folks that we share birthdates with rock. I even left out a bunch, like the bassist for The Grateful Dead. yeah. Should have kept him out.

Thursday, July 14, 2005

On the First of May

2 Playboy Playmates where born..don't ask which ones.

Calamity Jane aka Martha Burke was born in 1852. The infamous indian fighter/frontier adventurer. How perfect that my wife shares her birthdate?

George Inness was born in 1825. You know that super famous painter? You don't know? Well maybe this will refresh your memory.


Well that's your own stupid ignorant fault.

Moving on.

Benjamin Henry Latrobe, 1764.
He was an engineer/architect.

He built this big building with stone bearing masonry and a cast iron dome in a neoclassical style.
Does that help? Think da da ta da ta da da ta da da da da. Hail To The Chief? That's chief not thief.

Does this help?

And finally a person of note that Mr Shoop should find remarkably interesting...

Magnus VI Lagabuter, King of Norway, born 1238.

My wife has some of the coolest birthday buddies.

Wednesday, July 13, 2005

In the city of Harrisburg is born this day...

Can I say that? Well I have a few fleeting moments tonight, at midnight, to post to the world, well the 4 people who read this, that my second daughter has been born.

Her name is Rian Elizabeth. She weighed 8 lbs 2.5 oz and was approximately 19 inches long, that measurement I think is a bit short for an eight pound baby but whatever.

I'm thinking she's got that older Marlon Brando look. Abby had the William Shatner look down pat when she was 8 lbs. I don't know what it is about my daughters and overweight has been male actors at this stage.

I decided to check online, with the gobs of free time I have, and see what other notables share Rian's esteemed birthdate. Frankly I was shocked, and in a bad way, until I got to 1895 and earlier.

Phil Kramer of Iron Butterfly was born in 1952 on July 12th. You know. "In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida baby!!" Except he was part of the reformed '70's Iron Butterfly and amounted to pretty much nothing. Until they found his skeletal remains in his 1993 Ford Aerostar in May 1999, so he amounted to even less than nothing, besides the Unsolved Mysteries episodes. Ugh.

Richard Simmons was born in 1948 and if it hadn't been for the following notables I would almost wish she had been born 7 hours and 27 minutes earlier.

Andrew Wyeth was born in 1917 and is a rather famous painter. Here's a famous painting by him.

Yup famous and stuff, pretentious artist people talk about his stuff.

Now to the cool people.

R. Buckminster Fuller 1895, who is he you say? The inventor of the geodesic dome. Ooooh yeeeaaah. Epcot Center baby. But better yet, a unique carbon structure with insane practical uses was named after him, Buckminsterfullerene or C60. It has 60 carbon atoms in it. A large carbon molecule shaped like a geodesic dome, ala the name. Used for just about everything in the future.

AND....drumroll please....

Henry David Thoreau 1817. Oh yeah man, Walden Pond and all that. He was a bit too naturalisticy for me but still! Could you get a better guy than he for a birthday buddy?

Well actually you can, wait till I name drop the dudes born on my date of birth. It's a whole crapfest of major celebrities. None of that Phil Kramer Unsolved Mysteries nonsense. But first the rest of my fam and then me, the head, the paternal unit, the lord of the manor. So tune in all this week for


But back to the point of this post. The Proteinstar clan has increased again. Soon we will repopulate the land with my perfect seed.

Saturday, July 09, 2005

I'm at my PC and have to post

not about anything pertinent just some whimsical ramblings. I watched 2 episodes of Battlestar Galactica today. Not the old one back in '78 and '79 bsg

This is the new SCI/FI original series. yeah original series my butt.

Tell you what though, they made Starbuck a chick. And the leader of the Cylons is some hot lady in red. Cable certainly wanted to up the sex appeal.
But at least they have more than 3 dogfighting scenes.viper

Man that got repetitive.

But their use of 'frak' never did.

Anyway my point being is this. The original series spawned a RTS called Homeworld, about a huge fleet of ships trying to find their home. Exact same storyline as BSG. The music was amazing. Huge Orchestral, slightly ephemeral and trancelike at times. Really spacy, and big. Now the NEW BSG is out and guess what it's soundtrack sound like? Yup, Homeworld's, whose gameplay was based on the original BSG story.

That's all I wanted to say...go about your business.

Oh and I'm planning on having a huge flaming Phoenix tattooed on my back.


I loved HOMM2.

Friday, July 08, 2005

The Phoenix

I was reading Clement of Rome today. He was an early church father, one of the ante-Nicaean Fathers to be specific. He mentions a particular animal in his first epistle. The Phoenix. He uses it as an analogy but in it's description shows that he believes the creature exists in nature. I was amazed.

A major church leader of the early Christian church believes in a bird that consumes itself in flames and is reborn?! So I read up a little further. It's crazy but this thing, although most likely did not exist, was considered real by many big time historical figures.

It's first mentioned by Hesiod in the 8th century B.C., Ovid talks about it, Plutarch, Herodotus of Halicarnassus says he hasn't seen it physically but some priests he knows in Egypt did. Tacitus, that major historian writes about it.

Turns out early christians utilized the symbolism of the Phoenix to represent Christ's death and resurrection. How about that for a church emblem?

We focus on the fish and lamb but the Phoenix was used as well in early Christian churches as a secret symbol during the persecutions.

I thought that was cool. A whole new trend in Christian tattoo. Massive flaming Phoenix! It's Christ!!!

Also cool is that Christ ransacked the temple twice not once as is commonly thought. John 2 :13-17 has him kicking merchant butt right after the wedding feast at Cana (his first biblically recorded miracle) and Matthew 21:12-13 tells of Christ messing up the moneychangers after his Triumphal entry near the end of his ministry.

Something so important he had to do it twice. Also shows why the crowds turned so ugly in a week. Hosanna!!! (make a whip, beat up moneychangers) Crucify him!!!

Talk about fickle.

Thursday, July 07, 2005

What another post already?

Look at the second hand of the clock...memorize it's location...ok now read..

Well, I haven't much to say. It's not a bad thing. Meaning only that my brain is storing it's ideolect for a better time and place in which to spew forth it's verbose aggregation in a glorious show of pedantry.

Wasn't that refreshing? Heck the very usage of the word pedantry is pedantry. I love the english language. How in order to say the word Hum you have to, in actuality, hum to produce the word. Speaking of Hum they were a pretty cool space rock band. No Failure mind you but cool.

Yeah a waste of your time I know. Perhaps this is the entire point of this post and so I conclude:

Look at the second hand on the clock, mark it's location.

This post, if you read at about my pace, has taken you 25 seconds to read.

If yours is less than 25 seconds CONGRATULATIONS! you read faster than Proteinstar!

If yours was more than 25 seconds well you're stupid probably have some brain damage.

Hey who wants to buy me a set of headphones? Anyone?

A nice pair of Grado SR 80's? Please?

Only $95.00, you won't find a better set of cans on the market for that price. Not even for $300.

No? Well maybe for Christmas.

That reviewing gig isn't happening yet anyway.

Wednesday, July 06, 2005


What to talk about? Frances major defeat when London took the 2012 Olympics? The fact that circumsion gives a 70% increase in AIDS protection, 40% better than the ideal AIDS vaccine? Should I comment on Bush crashing his bike into some hapless Scottish cop?

nah. Although I knew not having that foreskin was some kind of bonus.

Got back from a service project with my Junior High youth. Great time. I tore up plastic crates for fun and profit. Although it looks like I opened a crankcase with my bare hands, they are seriously beat up and filthy. I've washed them 4 times and still can't get this rust off them.

I'm expecting a serious case of tetanus to set in. Good old Clostridium tetani. Makes for a nice permament breakdancing pose.
Just like this dude. There is a way better picture of this in Kline in one of the bacteriology labs. Oh and it's 11% fatal.

The arc is due to the back muscles being more powerful than the abdominal muscles. A neurotoxin produced by C. tetani, tetanospasmin, blocks neurotrasnmitters from the presynaptic membranes of inhibitory nerve synapses producing uncontrollable spasms. Death is due to an inability to breathe when the spasms make respiration impossible.

Well that's all I have to say about that.

On to something less rigid.

I actually like Country music. Not so much the way it sounds but the lyrics. I am completely amazed about how many country songs seem to be speaking all about me. Rock doesn't do that, it's all agnsty "I hate my parents rock", rap is all about the bling and girls in thongs sitting on the hood of my Bentley. But today I heard a song by Lonestar called Mr Mom. It rocked.

Now if only the Cure and the Smiths produced by Orbital and Mixed by Sasha had made it, it would speak to me and rock out all at the same time.

Saturday, July 02, 2005

Would you believe aliens abducted me?

How about just my brain? Yup...brainjacked right in midsentence last week. We've been doing donuts and purging our hyperdrive plasma capacitors all over Procyon. A side trip to Regulus for some munchies turn out to be a huge mistake thanks to Gribbleglax and his girlfriend/pseudo-hemaphroditic pedapalp waving gelatin construct. We just called her 'Nasty'. Until she dissolved Fronip and sucked out his insides through his navel. Most of the trip was then spent shaking and desperately attempting not to wet ourselves.

But I'm back. And it's good to be back. No more 'Nasty'. (let me pour some of my fotie out for old Fronip) You the dog Fronip!

There's a ton to comment on. I'll start just before the brainjacking.

My Bronx trip rocked. Lost one kid on the subway, he's terror stricken face as the subway pulled away from the station with him still on it will humor (ahem!) haunt me forever. We had 40 kids come to our youth program where we introduced them to God. Awesome. 8 kids made decisions to follow Christ! Super Awesome. One of my youth learned how to wear a dorag. I prayed on a public street in the middle of the Bronx. Closing my eyes in public has never been so scary when you have 6 Hispanic dudes standing right behind you speaking Spanish and sounding not to friendly.

I bought an I love NYC Geoffrey the Giraffe from Toys R Us. (just pretend the r is backward)

Still working at BK. Ugh.

Having a BBQ tomorrow! Yeah. A Sir Justin Kay being the guest of honor.

I want to be a transhuman.

I googled brainjacking and brought that up. I love futurists.

Well guys, good enough start? I'll get back on the horse and get this thing moving full swing. I need to pop over to that blondheaded Norseman's page. I hear he has a comment list piling up past 25.