Friday, November 04, 2005

Reinforcing Previously Held Beliefs

The result is always good, only the process can be uncomfortable at times. Case in point.

Hitchhikers.

I don't pick them up, unless they are incredibly old and feeble or female and pregnant.

Yet last night I broke my vows and did the unthinkable.

I let a strange man in my van. gasp!

The Bro of Proteinstar and myself had just finished a rollicking good adventure in Faerun. Rykon our resident Sorceror took the noggin off a goblin archer from 40 feet. Gotta love that magic missile, now I just have to wait for the flames to die down before bursting through...oh hitchhikers.

Anyway, game done Bro walks me to the van and this dude comes up to us...

"Got jumper cables?" "Yup" I say and offer him a jump.
"Thanks man, you don't know how bad I need it, I'm not from here, but Pottsville (or something)"

I grab the cables and he's like, "oh, my car isn't here, it's at the Grayhound station."
I was like, "how the heck did you get over here? This is nowhere near the station."

"oh I was at a bar with my bud and...(he smelled it too)...well I have to take care of my ma..."
blah blah

Well, I stepped in it now. How can I retract my offer of help beacuse it got a litttle more involved? My bro gave me a fierce look but came along. So the guy was here for the first time and was "scared of the city". please. He knew how to get to the bus station easily enough, which had me wondering.

Well we chat about Alma Maters and such and turns out he's a college boy from somewhere but isn't going currently, we feign interest.

We arrive at the bus station and I'm in the middle of my, "I saw a huge crane fall from this very spot" story and he gasps, well I thought he was totally into my description so I keep going. yeah, turns out he wasn't and was actually gasping about his missing car. Which he parked right in front of 2 dozen DO NOT PARK signs and another half dozen TOW ZONE placards. Idiot.

I was thinking, were you drunk before you parked?

This is where the story gets interesting.

The guy goes nuts, like is he carrying a knife? nuts. He gets desperate and angry and pleading and nearly violent. Sitting in the back of my Voyager raving.

Mike and I look at each other and brace ourselves for the worst.

"YOU GUYS GOTTA GIVE ME TEN BUCKS!!!"

Unfortunately neither of us had any money. Then he's begging, "please man, hit an ATM or something I just need a taxi out of here! Just a taxi to Reading, 10 bucks man that's all I ask!"

I inform him, none to softly, that a taxi to Reading will cost 3 times that.

We both refuse to give him any money and then he EXPLODES.

Fists clenched and shaking he demands we give him money.

And then it happened...Mike later said I sounded like a real adult...

the spirit of the father of Proteinstar erupted from deep within me and I bellowed, nay roared at this man.

Not sure what I said initially but the man didn't back down at first but retorted with a

"
you think I'm scared of you?"

I increased my furor and was getting nearly to the point of contemplating violence when he changed 180 degrees.

"
Wait man wait, I'm sorry. No Man I'm really sorry."

We took him to talk with a securitty guard and it looked like he was trying to bum more money. And finally I drove him down to 2nd street to find his friend. At this point I knew this guy only wanted money for more beers. There was no car, no Pottsville, no ma.

I waited 2 minutes outside the bar in case I was wrong and drove off.

I will never pick up a stranger again, and if I do you better be 80 years old and 8 months pregnant with triplets.

3 comments:

Andunaphel said...

Personally, I don't think I'd eer stop for a hitchhiker, period. You never know if the 80-year-old guy or the pregnant woman could be fronting for someone else.

That being said, you've come very close to revealing your "someplace safe" in this post. Your online stalkers might be out to get you now!

rover said...

That hitchhikers name didn't happen to be Ben did it? What is it about deadbeats that makes you want to throttle them regardless of the weapons they may be carrying?

Miss PeƱate said...

WOAH! I cannot believe that story. It made me laugh, scared and cry all together.

I picked up a woman once ( i dont know why) but she looked like she could barely speak english and was at the bus stop (on a main street; w/ out a cover over it) with her 2 kids. One little girl was drenched and trying to cover herself with her moms purse. ( no sweater)

I just had stop! So i did and it turned out that she lived twice the distance away from where I picked her up. BUT the deed was done so i drove her in my SUV with her kids and dropped them off. she hesitated at first to get in the truck but got in at the end and she was very very grateful. She blessed me in our Lord's name in the end and we went our way...