A teacher speaks out!

Honestly, what a lame title. I think we should probably end this whole discussion, it's like the one I had with a Jehovah's Witness years ago. Went on for weeks with no change. Anyway, here's my response:

Well, I'm sure Ms. Fulbright is a well meaning woman but her information is secondhand at best. Now granted I happen to be teaching in the worst school district in the state but I believe that only makes my statements stronger. In a given class the following format can be assumed. 1st 5 minutes: Students complete an assignment designed to stimulate and focus their mind on the daily topic. Examples of this week: Students placed dots on balloons and inflated them giving them a rudimentary sense of the universe's current expansion. Students placed lines on severed wide band when the band is stretched the marks on the outer edges expanded further and faster than the more central ones, showing our galaxies farthest from our own are expanding faster due to universal expansion. Give a minute or 2 for students to transition from that rudimentary description to the lesson at hand. Students will take notes down from both my lecture and (I might say) amazingly sophisticated powerpoint presentation. These powerpoints are usually image heavy and contain many embedded videos (usually short 30 seconds to 3 minutes tops) I use these to help some of my students who rely on more visual cues (almost the entire current youth generation) Students will be expected to respond to queries from me about certain concepts discussed and the entire lecture section will last approximately 30-40 minutes. I admit I tend to go longer than what is advised (10-15 minutes) Students will then work on an assignment in groups or individually based on the content of the day's class. Some times it's a simple as a worksheet based off their notes. Often it will be a problem solving assignment that will require information discussed that day. Students will work on the assignment for about 10-15 minutes and will finish the rest for homework if not complete. With the remaining 5 minutes of class we will summarize the material discussed and try to answer questions regarding it, usually meant to stretch their knowledge and force them to think a bit outside the box. That's the class. The next day will be similar except lecture will be replaced by a lab. (except when we study astronomy, it's really hard to devise enriching labs about astronomical events)

A student who studies and focus on his work will find that he has approximately 45 to 50 minutes of learning time in class. Multiply that by 7. Is there wasted time? Sure. A student stops you to ask to use the bathroom. Or I begin a sidebar discussion about how the universe is only a 3 dimensional projection of its 2 dimensional quantum surface. Yes I hand out papers. Guess how long it takes me to hand out papers. About 25 seconds, well maybe more like 40 due to my new desk configuration.

Now the class I was using as an example was my honors class. Which to be frank is like any general ed class in a regular school. In an honors class in real school the depth of learning would be much more sophisticated.

Now, it's true that the one on one teaching that goes on at home is better than the 1 to 25 to 30 that I have at school. That's why you stick your child in a good school system. No discipline issues, classrooms are quiet and students are learning. The whole one on one issue becomes nearly moot, and not only that but your student is being taught by a trained expert. Ideally, in a good school system, that teacher has real life experience in the topic they teach an has also received their Masters of Education in various teaching methods. They know what to do when a student is confused, how to use different mental routes to take to teach that student.

Ah, it comes down to this. Homeschooling could be great, it could also be an unmitigated disaster that can harm children irrevocably. Public school can be great with students learning everything they need and going off to great colleges like Messiah. Or it could fail them terribly with some teacher calling them a loser or they get stuck in a locker or take your pick of awful things.

However, it's foolish to call one superior over the other, because in each ideal situation they are about the same. In each worst case scenario they are about the same. Only, the worst case scenario at a functioning high school with functioning parents is much harder to come by. There are too many fail safes in place to allow a student to fail out. Notice I say functional school and functioning parents. That's kind of important. But homeschooling can be more difficult. There is not as much support. A parent could teach a child for years not realizing there is an issue with their learning until it's too late (I know of some of these) Parents are not experts in everything (it's impossible to expect them to be) There are so many various learning disabilities that any number could go unseen. (This aspect of homeschooling scares me the most, it's the freebirthing equivalent in education)

Personally, I learned a ton at my public school. I went to a great college and grabbed a great job when I left. Public school was a complete success for me. Honestly, for everyone I know it was a great success, we all went to college, we are all middle class. Not to shabby. In the school district where I live (chosen for it's great old school teaching approach) I know, because I know the kids here, that my children will receive a fantastic education. One that I pay for. One that my wife will get a break from in about 5 years when all our kids are in school. Great education for my kids, by then I plan on working in the school district so that I'll be even closer to the action. And hopefully the wife will jump into teaching again and the whole 2 income situation will make life blissful. (Please Lord don't require my soul tonight, these are just dreams, I haven't torn down my barns yet.)

Erica/DredBen I salute you for trying to educate your children in the manner you have chosen. It is not an easy situation, much harder than sending them to public schooling and I'm sure it will be a complete success. Your kids are bright and so are you so I'm sure when calculus rears it's ugly head you'll beat it down flat. But understand that public schooling, when it is working like it should, is also a magnificent form of education.

In the end, public schooling or home, the parent is the first and last teacher in all things. Without good parents no amount of education will help the child.

And I'm done.

Hans Solo

Star Wars: Retold (by someone who hasn't seen it) from Joe Nicolosi on Vimeo.

Okay so that last post is just horribly edited with images all over the place. But seriously, you all know what a shotgun looks like and I'm too lazy to fix it.

No longer a virgin

I finally fired a weapon. Leaving the Daisyline kiddie musket ball air powered rifles behind I've graduated to something slightly higher caliber. At Sir Francis Drakes Bachelor party we fired an assortment of weaponry at his buddies firing range.

We started with the Heckler and Koch MP5. Both single fire and full automatic this 9mm beastie made swiss cheese of our Osama zombie target.





Little recoil. Real sweet gun.

The second weapon I used was a 12 gauge shotgun.



The kick from this bad boy was worse than the AK-47. And the holes the slugs made were scary!

Finally, we fired the most famous weapon ever made. The AK-47.



Strong kick, very accurate, and after 100+ rounds, HOT!!

We also fired an assortment of pistols of various caliber. And Sir Francis Drake fired off a HK super weapon used by special forces. I couldn't even touch it.

Well, I'm glad I'm an American and can fire fully automatic weaponry. People opposing guns have obviously never fired one.

The Best Christmas Gift Ever

Invisibility by Christmas of 2009?!!! Please please please!!!!!

Well Crap

This is just too good not to post. I promise I'll find something ridiculous to post later. Although the dude's shrug is kind of funny.

It took a New Jersian to turn me around

I just got caught up in all the hoopla. Well, no more. So today I unveil the most bizarre bit of internet I could find in 5 minutes. Although I'd be shocked if this wasn't posted on the site eons ago it's always worth a second viewing.

I GIVE YOU......



Blue/Pink Unicorn:"The man with the hat sent us!"
Pink Unicorn: "He told us many amazing stories!"
Both: "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!"
Charlie: "What?"
Pink: "Tonight we will dine on turtles!"
Blue/Pink: "They will be good, yes?"
Z: *shoots laser*
Charlie: "Aaah! What did you two do?!"
Both: "Yes!!!!!"
Pink: "I am happy!"
Both: "Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!"
Charlie: "Just keep walking, Charlie. Keep walking

Scary

A view of the next 4 years.

Wow, our generation just can't look that badass anymore

Here's this dude in the French Alps. Who in time will eventually accept Japan's surrender. Check out that crop and the boots. I need a get up like that, and the phenotypic disposition not to look like a tool wearing it.

Wow The Youth of Today

The media keeps harping on and on about how the youth vote is so crucial. Well I saw the youth vote of 2012-2013 and it doesn't look good.

I figured that since the inauguration today was probably one of the most historic events in racial/civic history. A culmination of decades of struggle for minorities in our nation, that it might be slightly relevant to my students given their cultural and economic makeup.

Yeah think again. My students didn't so much as glance at the screen and chattered away happily. Honestly, there was no way I was going to yell myself hoarse trying to get them interested in a civic event this important.

Very sad.

I liked his speech. Patriotic but eternal? Meh.

I liked Rick Warren's invocation. Anytime you can repeat Jesus's name in four languages in front of billions of people I'm all for it.

Lazy Rural Morons

Read this article about the Alabama community of 194 people who want 300+ million to create a green community and to double the number of vineyards in a region that cannot support European grapes. Here they are begging for handouts, no wonder their poverty rate is 28.7% Try working. Develop a useful enterprise that your 194 neighbors require. Ugh. If this 1.2 trillion economic stimulus thing gets passed I'm going to have a cow. or a Whole Crap, whatever comes first.

EEK!

Pelosi is locking the Rep out of all legislation

Wow, that happened a lot quicker than I thought, maybe that Russian was right.

The final outcome of Fortress America

This guy says that the US will collapse in 2010. and end up looking like this...



Wow...2 years...didn't see that coming.

Christmas is here!

My Christmas has come! Yeah, Christmas in RI netted me the Wii Fit and Boomblox for the Wii. I also nabbed Deadspace for the PC.

Woohoo!

On to PA to complete the orgy of giving!

Only a Chemist or Physicist Could Say This

James Bryant Conant

"The only way I can know if my thoughts have some weight behind them is the sense of terror I have when I think of something new."


Keep in mind that Oppenheimer was a very close friend and both worked on military projects.

That quote has got to go down as the scariest thing a smart guy could ever say. wow.

Birchy are you ready?

Boy oh boy I can't wait.

I might want to rethink that purchase

With Seven of Four around and Wolverine new on the scene I might need to rethink buying a LCD.

The Source of so many cancers?

A new discovery found that lightning storms release a blast of gamma radiation.

Gamma rays are highly energized forms of electromagnetic radiation capable of piercing through 2 feet of concrete. These are the most deadly in the EM spectrum. And they might be blasting through you and your Canada Dry at 30,000 feet. Whole Crap.

Could this be the missing element that seems to be increasing cancer rates? I mean so many people seem to be contracting (or I suppose developing is the better term) cancer that a source like heterocyclic amines or aluminium foil needs to be the culprit. But gamma radiation is way more high energy physics.

The future is here! Next femtoweapons!

How cool is that. If only they were a reality. Okay Dredben what do you got on this?

Global Warming...Hah!

Best line ever....

“The models and forecasts of the UN IPCC "are incorrect because they only are based on mathematical models and presented results at scenarios that do not include, for example, solar activity.”

- Victor Manuel Velasco Herrera, a researcher at the Institute of Geophysics of the National Autonomous University of Mexico

You can read this and more on the U.S. Senate Minority Report

The Developer of Doom

Here's a great interview with a developer a few of you might know and the rest of you better discover.

Classical guitar Super Mario 2

My favorite Mario game.

When You Need to Know Who the Daddy is

I actually miss working with plasmids.

Woohoo!

Just switched to Fios and the installation team will be here on the 19th!

Didn't increase my monthly payment a bit! And it boosted my bitrate by about 200%!!

How Kimmy gets into work

Man, I should have written him in!

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

If only I was in college

The documentary is really long, about the 4th HvZ game at Goucher College. Check out 16:30 to 18:30, insane attack of zombies against a ragtag band of humans.


Humans vs. Zombies from HvZ Source on Vimeo.

In realizing the previous post's esoteric nature here is the subject

Free Flash Games

Absolutely insane

Prince of Persia Animation Reference 1985 from jordan mechner on Vimeo.

Just look at the stutter step after the jump. Completely authentic!

How did I miss this?

"...just because you have an individual right does not mean that the state or local government can't constrain the exercise of that right..."

Obama in the 2008 Primary debate with Clinton

They were talking about gun rights but man! That is just an insane thing to say and I heard nothing in it from the media (big shock). he claims our rights are like our property, property can be seized by the state and so can our rights. What good are they then when they can be removed from us at will?

God help us if this guy gets in with a Liberal Supermajority. I'm moving to Mars with DredBen.

Cutting edge science in your home

Researchers have just discovered that scotch tape exhibits luminescence when unpeeled. Not only that, but in a vacuum it produces serious amount of x-rays. I was unable to duplicate the glow with scotch tape but I could get it too work by opening a bandaid packet. It glows blue/green distinctly! Bugnuts insane is what that is.

Time for your morning meme

Nice.

Yeah this song rocks

Genius...or should I say Mad Genius?

Love that guy!

Read the Writings of 5th Graders from 1931

They have transcribed a book of 5th grade writings on the web. Read a few, and think that some of those boys may have been dying a decade later in France. Sobering.

I've got a bracelet too..it's from..uh...uh

What an orator!



In other news...nah I'll post it separate from this.

Wiiiiiiii!!!

Well, just Wii.

I gave the spouse clearance to buy a new bedspread and sheet combo thing and she gave me clearance to spend my Wii fund! Yeah! So we went out and found...nothing. Her bed set was not anywhere and Gamestop, Circuit City, Target, and Walmart did not have any Wiis. Not one. Not a single Wii in Central PA. Except for Best Buy, they had about 8. Thanks Best Buy, you guys rock!

So I start hooking this thing up and The Spouse watches her movie flick and I head over to my buddy Dwayne's place to check out his new PS3. Man is that thing a beast! Sweet.

I get home around 12am and decide to try out my Wii. It is now 2:16 and I can totally say, I would not trade that Wii for a PS3 or 360 any day of the week. It is the perfect system for the family.

Going to have to pick up a second controller though. One won't cut it. I'll blog further about it later, oh and I love Wiiware!

Goodbye CERN...Hello Master Chief

Halo should be new name for collider, says public

17 September 2008

After massive, worldwide public response, with its media office deluged by thousands of entries, the RSC has chosen the winner of its competition to suggest a new, inspiring name for the Large Hadron Collider at CERN.

Fed up with the contrived acronyms that plague the world of science, the RSC picked a suggestion which is simple, memorable, and brings to mind the deserved grandeur of perhaps the most important experiment ever built.

Halo conjures visions of radiant beauty, power and wisdom. The circle of light reflects the collider's form; it is a crowning achievement of science and engineering. It also gives more than a nod to the experiment's importance to religious debate.

It was by far the most popular entry, with hundreds of people suggesting the name. The winner of the competition was chosen at random from those who suggested Halo; this was Aaron Borges of Rhode Island, USA, who wins $892 (£500).

The RSC will be formally suggesting the new name to CERN and the Institute of Physics.

Some reports say that the RSC is suffering from "professional jealousy"; far from it. The RSC congratulates the physics community with nothing but admiration for their amazing project - it just has a very boring name.

Several other entries to the competition were popular. Colliderscope garnered many votes, with members of the public revelling in the pun on "kaleidoscope" - and some apparently oblivious to it.

Black Mesa, the name of an ill-fated research facility in the computer game franchise Half-life, was particularly well represented by gamers who Dugg media coverage of the competition on the social bookmarking site Digg.

Lots suggested that to find the answer to life, the universe, and everything, we should name the experiment after the computer designed to do just that in Douglas Adams's The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Deep Thought.

Other favourites were The Particrasher, E=M25, The Big Banger and Big Bang Two Point Oh.

It's nearly 1 am and I am immune to the gag inducing affects of vomit.

Yup, picking vomit chunks out of my hair. and boxers, and bathroom rugs. Wiping it up off the floor and washing the crib sheets and washed Seven of Three twice. I have never seen so much vomit come out of a kid. Ever. The day The Spouse of Proteinstar is off with the ladies I'm cleaning the second major vomit episode the family has ever seen. Coincidence? I think not.

It probably was the brownie and ice cream he had for dessert, and 102 temp. Well looks like my trip to EA is kaput. back to cleaning the floors, and then hopefully I'll have time for a long long shower. I'd show pics but man do I look nasty. Seriously, I have a blanched burger king french fry chunk wedged between my left ring finger and my left middle finger. I'm leaving it there to help me feel more miserable.

Do Do do Do DO do Do Do DO do DO...nevermind

A humdinger of an answer

Yesterday in class we did a simple experiment to look at surface tension and cohesion in order to further grasp the practicalities of the scientific method. The students were comparing the cohesion of water to the cohesion of water mixed with soap. I then asked the following question:

1. Explain your results from both parts of the experiment in terms of cohesion and surface tension.

Her answer? It was liquid

(smack! palm slapping forehead)

We don't need no water let the mother...watch your mouth!

Well today was an interesting day. Security runs out of the girl's loo yelling fire. I yell fire to the assistant principal and grab the fire extinquisher. Seconds later a cloud of yellow powder snuffs out the fire in the paper towel dispenser.

The fire company shows up but mission accomplished already by PROTEINSTAR!

I hear there will be a parade in my honor down Front St next week.

Books to get you wicked excited about Fallout 3

Read it in a day. The man is a master in describing the various consistencies of ash. Ash, wet ash, slushy ash, bloody ash, cold ash, gore strewn ash, trampled ash, you name it. This is one seriously ashy book. And it's a decent read, the dialogue if condensed would fill maybe 4 pages, font size 12. Not nearly as depressing as SirFrancisDrake made it out to seem. Honestly I thought the woodsmoke smelling savior was going to feast on his lower extremities while hauling him down the coast in a wagon. But good all the same. Excellent post-apocalyptic doomsday book.

The other one I'm almost done with but there is no physical way I could read it in an entire day is the unabridged and complete...


Not nuclear weapons this time but bioweapons ala 'Captain Trips'. I'm not done but he's going all metaphysical on me. I prefer my doomsday books to by light on thought and heavy on survival and biker gangs with crazy getups.

What was Lucas thinking...

...naming the one fat pilot Porkins?

Let me introduce you to AWESOME

Pleasure to meet you Awesome...Charmed I'm sure.

Nerd! Thank you, I prefer Geek.

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2008/03/09/opinion/09opart.large.gif

yup that's me. And DredBen, and SirFrancisDrake.

Messiah College and too much time

Brak reminds me of college and all the time I frittered away enriching my character and sense of self. Totally time well spent.

Facebook

The ultimate in social interactivity and super internet timewaster. And I just signed up. Yikes. Well after a couple of friends who I see about once every 3 years or so told me to get on, well I did. So there, I'm on. Send me some flair or have your zombie hug me or whatever other wicket retaaded things you do on there.

I feel like such a follower...

The City of Ember

I'm reading this children's/young adult book that will soon be a movie and have really been enjoying it. It's totally a cross between Brazil and any of the Fallout games. And with Fallout 3 I can totally see Doon checking his Pipboy 3000 about air quality in those lower pipeworks!



Anyway I'll have a full on review when I'm done.

In response to our discussion at dinner

See I told you I read it somewhere.

Well here's something

I'm probably a little worse for watching that.

Brand new Dawn of War

If you played the last one you know why I'm blogging about Dawn of War II. Best 40K RTS out there. The original Dawn of War had a better opening vid. But this one does have a Space Marine dreadnought crushing a Eldar witch in one hand and flaming another in the face. (SWEET!)



Here's the original, you decide which is better. The dreadnought speaks in the second one. That's pretty cool.

Whole Crap Amazing Game News

Huge game news...just huge.

Blizzard just (well June 28th)announced Diablo 3.

Isometric view...random dungeons...random everything actually...3D graphics...partially destructive environments...larger RPG...more story focus...huge focus on amazing loot...

YESSSSSSSS!!!!!

Then on the kind of still huge news only slightly disappointing is THQ's announcement of their Warhammer 40k MMO. Only it's going to focus on the RPG side, and they recognize the importance of vehicles in the IP. What the heck is that? "They recognize?" What's to recognize, huge Space Marine Rhinos, Baslisks, I mean vehicles are an absolute must, no question.

So well I'm ecstatic about Diablo3 but I'll weep with Sir Francis Drake about what could have been. Gamesworkshop...you dudes really missed the boat in trying to have THQ go all RPG on ya. When has 40k ever really been about roleplay? Inquisitor fell on it's giant size models butt.

ELP and friends

There were these guys named Emerson, Lake and Palmer. They were joined much later by a group called The Arcade Fire. And now Coldplay has discovered the awesomeness of the wicked amazing super mind blowing organ. It should be mandatory at every single church to fire that bad boy up and lay out a few bars of Iron Butterfly, or well here are a few options for Mr. Church Organist.







And then the master...although I consider Handel to be pretty amazing himself.

Coldplay

Who knows how long this link will last but enjoy it while you can.

Some pretty sweet Christian imagery coming from these lyrics, granted the author worships Zeus but hey he's got a great big white beard too.

You need to check out Viva la Vida. A little pretentious, Roman cavalry choirs sound cool but it's also pretty invented. I can't help to think he meant Calvary.

Well still for the bursting at the seams Brit pop scene these guys still have it. Catchy tunes and sweet riffs.

After seeing Rambo...

That little 20 minute scene with Sly on the .50 caliber is nothing compared to the awesomeness of SLY VS ARNIE!!!! Enjoy.

POPUPS!

Seems my little visitor counter was a Trojan for popups! How nefarious! Well I have since destroyed it. We were at 105 meatsacks though. Noiice. That's the way I say nice nowadays. It's like no-ice just mashed together with a bit of a Cranston slur, kind of like a New York accent.

Anyway, if your on, and I know about 105 of you were, throw up a comment if you get a popup from this blog. Thanks.

Hey, It's a lady!

Let me pour another glass of Courvoisier, because another lady has joined us in the great blogosphere. Apparently not into handles, she totally needs one. Dred Ben I hereby appeal to your sense of webness to get your wife a sufficiently cool and illustrative name. So if you are jonesing for stories about sleep deprived mothers and all sorts of creative activities with finger nail polish and applesauce than look no further than... Eye of the Hurricane!

Now I have to go and work on some of these busted links of mine.

Only two people will care...

and out of those two one is only being polite.

What am I talking about? Well the Heroes V Tribes of the East Expansion contains both the Orcs and the Dwarves!! Wohoo! I thought I'd have to buy the Hammer of Fate expansion for those bearded dudes! Yeah!

See what I meant about only two people caring?

Yeah, that's on my PC

I'm starting a new little segment called...Yeah, that's on my PC.

It's really just a way of me getting all excited about finally being able to play in the big leagues again.

So here is a little trailer for...Crysis. I'm currently running it at 1400X900 res, (not shabby) frame rate is great, graphic settings are MEDIUM. I will tweak them tonight and see what more I can eek out. I honestly don't know if I'm running DX9c or DX10. That I will check tonight since DX10 is the shiznit.

So without further delay I give you... CRYSIS!!

Check out Weezer with the Memes!

The man in the hat is back

SPOILERS!!!

Pyschic Commies? Lost Amazonian Cities? Indy's a Dad?

The new Indiana Jones certainly isn't on par with Raiders by any stretch of the imagination. However, it doesn't leave the franchise a smoking ruin like Lucas did with Star Wars.

It starts off at a decent pace, then scared the crap out of me with this scene in which the lighting was so bad, the dialogue so wooden, it looked like they just threw it together on some mini sound stage. It was scary, 5 minutes into the movie and it seriously looked like something a bunch of fan boys threw together with some old guy that kind of looked like Harrison Ford. Thankfully once Indy enters the warehouse all of that disappears, but it was a nail biting 2 minutes. (The new Indiana Jones looks like this crap!!????)

Typical Indiana Jones running, whipping, punching action, it's nice to hear those gunshot punches again. The pyschic Commies are cool, over the top in the way you expect pyschic Commies would be.

The jokes about Indy being old stop after about 20 minutes and you'll appreciate that. He actually seems to get younger as the film continues. When the movie really speeds up its pure gold. The scene some reviewers are calling Doomtown is amazing (completely unbelievable but absolutely awesome). When the movie slows down it also is great. We learn some serious info about Indy's past. Fought in WWII, he did? He was in the OSS. He was? He was a colonel? Holy crap! Just some really cool stuff about him.

They get chased all over creation in typical Indy fashion, they grave rob and get caught and all sorts of typical Indy stuff. It honestly is a great ride.

Now, of course they still manage to throw in a few scenes that are just ridiculous. Not ridiculous like Doomtown (that's just plan amazingly super awesome) but ridiculous like, I'm embarrassed for them. The tarzan scene is one. Ugh. I mean, doesn't anyone realize how bad a scene like that looks? Just stupid. The fencing scene, just goes from mildly silly to downright stupid.

The first time Indy sees Marion? Absolutely amazing. It was like Harrison Ford was seeing Karen Allen for the first time in 19 years. Really really good shot.

Shia is good. Ray Winstone is tiresomely flat.

The one bummer is that the movie is really not that violent. All of the Indy movies have guys getting punched out of cars and boats and so on. But then there are those shock scenes were you see a rotting corpse shoot out of the wall and its face turns towards the camera its swollen rotting tongue protruding from its grinning maw. YIKES! And then you have the piece de resistance, in which someone gets their face melted or exploded or they rot at high speed. Yet in this film it is surprisingly lacking in this gory awesome moments. The big one at the end of every Indy flick is absent in this one. They kind of have one but totally drop the ball. Sirfrancisdrake and I could dream up about a hundred different ways to have that super gory end set piece and still keep the PG-13 rating. Remember when Belloq became a conduit for the wrath of God and blasted all those nazis? And then his head exploded? PG-13 and awesome. The gory death of IJatKotCS (Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull) not so gory not so awesome. It could have been great, oh man could it have been wild. Sir Francis get back to me and will chat about what it should have looked like.

Anyway, baddies could have been badder, natives could have actually done something, they could have concocted a better chase scene with the Commies. Maybe one over the falls and down the river! That would have been great!

It's just after the fight scenes of all the Bournes, video games with absolutely breathtaking vistas and amazing cave delving action that this Indy comes off as kind of quaint. The fights should still maintain their gunshot type of over the top stylings but they need to be grittier. Like Indy getting his face pressed against the tank tread gritty. All the fights are like a bunch of pugilists beating the snot out of each other but refusing to fall over. Indy needs to mix it up with Jason Bourne and John McClane.

The cave dwelling scenes need to be exploded so that they wander into massive fantastical panoramas! Huge forgotten temples and ancient fanes. And tribal indians that actually do something.

Del Toro and Jackson should do the next Indy.

Well go see it and get back to me.

DEVIL HORNS!

This will be my themesong when I get my new PC up and running for a glorious game of Mount and Blade with 1000 units on screen!

Summer's Here!

The Boss said it best.



Well, the streetlights shine down on Blessing Avenue
Lovers they walk by, holding hands two by two
A breeze crosses the porch, bicycle spokes spin 'round
My jackets on, I'm out the door
And tonight I'm gonna burn this town down

The girls in their summer clothes
In the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes, pass me by

A kids rubber ball smacks
Off the gutter 'neath the lamp light
Big bank clock chimes
Off go the sleepy front porch lights
Downtown the stores alight as the evening's underway
Things been a little tight
But I know their gonna turn my way

And the girls in their summer clothes
In the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes, pass me by

Frankie's diner, an old friend on the edge of town
The neon sign spinning round
Like a cross over the lost and found
The fluorescent lights flick over Pop's Grill
Shaniqua brings the coffee and asks "Fill?" and says "Penny for your thoughts now my boy, Bill"

She went away, she cut me like a knife
Hello beautiful thing, maybe you could save my life
In just a glance, down here on magic street
Loves a fool's dance
And I ain't got much sense, but I still got my feet

The girls in their summer clothes
In the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes, pass me by

The girls in their summer clothes
In the cool of the evening light
The girls in their summer clothes, pass me by

Anyone up for a campaign? anyone?

boy I miss those days.

You see it coming but MAN!

What a moving commerical and for insurance! Wow.

The History of Evil

MST3K

I'd forgotten how ridiculously funny these guys were!

The first clip is the worst recorded dialogue ever!!



The second one is courtesy of Sir Francis Drake, I seriously haven't laughed that hard bro in ages!



Big McLargeHuge!!

Just Saw Manhattan Go Through the Wringer

The Spouse and I finally had a chance to get out of the house and catch a flick with some new friends. Fortunately they were both huge JJ Abrams fans and I convinced the Spouse that the movie Cloverfield would be great to watch on the big screen.

I have 2 words about that movie.... WHOLE CRAP!!

It was really really good. If you had given one of those Tokyo dwelling Godzilla fearing Japanese a camcorder back in the day this is the movie you would have ended up with, except I'd be watching it with subtitles.

Not gory but super super intense. I was more worked up about this one then 28 Weeks Later (what a let down that one was).

You might not truly care about these escapees from a Hollister/Abercrombie & Fitch photo shoot, but you certainly don't want to see them bitten in half and exploded from the inside out. Well, maybe you do.

The movie takes itself super seriously, which is vital given the concept. The best thing is the director didn't feel that he had to explain anything. Not one thing. What is the monster? Why is it there? Where did it come from? What the heck are those Deer ticks from hell? And on and on it goes. If the movie took the time to slow down to explain these things it would one, not be believable, and two, slow down the frantic pace of the movie to a crawl.

I for one am dying to find out what it is and all that but a sequel would be lame. A second video, a movie done from the perspective of the troops, some scientist and his young son trying to figure out the beasts motivation, with the President shrieking that he can't nuke Manhattan while his Generals all declare the city lost. Yeah, that's been done. It would be cool if the President got into jet and flew right into the monsters mouth blowing it up.

I could totally make movies.

UFO's in TX

You know back in the 50's when they were seeing these things in Arizona and stuff and couldn't manage to get footage of it you could explain it away due to the fact that no one had cameras or camcorders to any extent.

But in 2008? Please! Every shlub has a camcorder in their cellphone so they can be taking footage as they call CNN, FOX news and a host of other media outlets. ANd they were flying around for weeks and no one got anything? OK.

Thefunniest stuff

For Rover

How I love this stuff

Legen........wait for it........DARY!

My dad used to fly into a rage every time he saw the original!

Beat an 81!!

Yeah I pretty much stink at US Geography. I received an 81 (B-) on the 50 states.

You have to draw them by connecting the dots and then fill in the bubble of the states name.

Good Luck



Oh and do the Freerice.org thing and beat my score of 44 after 400+ questions.

Just for my ego's sake.

Is your vocabulary better than mine?

Lets find out.

Go to http://freerice.com/index.php

And play the game. For every right answer you will win 10 grains of rice for the starving masses, thanks to the UN and some donors. It also keeps track fo your vocabulary score.

I am currently at a score of 44 and I've donated 4940 grains of rice (I've answered 494 questions)


Give it a shot!

Half Life in 60 Seconds

I love youtube.

Vanity Cards for Battlestar Galactica

The little end clip for the production companies of shows are called vanity cards. Wired.com had this posted exhibiting the 2 seasons worth of vanity cards.

New Favorite

Chezzitttsss!!!!

Wow I'm out there.

Proteinstar is out in the world wide web. More so than my meatspace alter ego.

Prepare yourself for a major addition to Exostra. The bathroom is nearly done.

Well, it feels good to be back on the blog. I'll be right back.

Superprank

Mr. Shoop's getting married! We wanted to help explain some of the upcoming evening athletic events.

The Computer is Down...I repeat...

The computer is down!

I am posting this at my local library. shudder.

My power supply (I think) is shot and I can't find my spare. I'm sure it is in one of the many unpacked boxes. Be prepared for a deluge of posts once it is up and running.

Since I'm on a Family Guy Kick

This is the sole reason I don't defend myself against The Spouse's Righteous Rage, even when Little Tikes furniture is hurtling though the air.



I might make my beat down worse.

That's not a moon! It's a sportsbar!

Since China now controls their weather

and will ensure that the olympics will be rain free I thought I'd look back at a great little routine by Stewie.

Halo 3 Movie

Now I know this was old news. Halo 3 movie, executive produced by Peter Jackson, all effects by Weta. How the movie companies said no is beyond me. IDIOTS.

But Weta went ahead and made a ton of props and the original director, Neill Blomkamp, went and made a ton of live action shorts for the new Halo 3 game. Microsoft footed the bill.



Tell me those Hollywood suits aren't going to be knocking in Neill's and Peter's doors begging for a piece.

Couldn't have said it better myself

The following review, by a dude named Vern has some language but is nearly identical to my current way of thinking regarding the Transformers movie.

Ahem, go ahead Vern.


Vern vs. TRANSFORMERS - One shall stand and one shall fall...

(edited first two paragraphs forr the sake of length)

So it's fitting that the movie begins in "QATAR - THE MIDDLE EAST." (Need to establish location and tell the audience you think they're idiots at the same time? Try subtitles!) An American army base is attacked by a big robot. These guys are apparently trained in a similar manner to the soldiers from THE HILLS HAVE EYES REMAKE 2, because they all just run away and don't fight. When you see all the military hardware fetishistically on display it seems kind of weird, because the robot doesn't look like it has a chance. But then some tanks fly through the air and you find out later that all but the handful of main characters were killed and nobody knew it was a robot that did it.

At this point I was trying. I secured my brain safely in a locker at the Greyhound station like you're supposed to and I attempted to lower my standards. I am a guy who enjoys Brian Bosworth movies so why not enjoy this shit? Plus, if I'm gonna watch a Michael Bay movie again it might as well be one about robots. They won't joke as much as Martin Lawrence and they'll either look cool or funny. At least the effects are in good hands. And ever since I heard Michael Bay was hired for this job I thought it was tailor made for him. The dude is obsessed with sports cars and has never felt a human emotion, how could you do better than hiring him to make a huge expensive movie where the main characters are cars? It's like God made up The Transformers just to get some use out of Michael Bay.

But Michael Bay told God to fuck off, and he went and made a movie about people. After that opening attack you get literally an hour of kiddie movie horse shit about Shia LeBeouf being a nerd and trying to hit on the adult car mechanic Maxim cover girl with a troubled past from his high school. He buys an old yellow Camaro which turns out to actually be a robot from space in disguise. I don't know if I need to explain this to you guys, but Transformers are robots from space and you know those Cirque Du Soleil type weirdos in the car commercial who contort themselves into the shape of a car? It's like that, they crash land on earth and are worried people will make fun of them so they pretend to be cars and planes and shit to fit in. Anyway, for the first hour of this movie his car is alive but mostly is not a robot, he just causes a ruckus by driving around doing donuts and playing funny songs on his radio.

I have learned while this movie was being made that many grown adults grew up on this toy cartoon and hold its characters and concepts deep in their hearts, and were concerned about their portrayal in the movie. And I myself revere the filmatic language, and was worried that I would get dizzy and confused by Michael Bay's double-flip-off approach to editing and camera movement. Well let me tell you, he probaly blows it on both counts, but both are entirely irrelevant. By the time the movie gets to a second robot or action scene it's already way too late to turn things around. This painful first hour shows that the movie's main problem is the same one as BAD BOYS 2: constant, embarrassingly unfunny jokes. Is it too difficult to take anything seriously anymore? Everything's gotta be wacky: Shia has a little dog with a cast and he feeds it painkillers. He rides a pink girls' bike and crashes in front of the girl he likes. A robot pulls his pants down so he's in his boxers. Anthony Anderson eats a bunch of donuts. Bernie Mac's mom flips him the bird. A fat guy dances. When robots attack later, there are lots of half-assed "jokes" about little kids saying "cool!" or comparing it to ARMAGEDDON or thinking a robot is the tooth fairy. The "jokes" are more rapid-fire than a DTV Leslie Nielsen movie, and with an equal or lesser success rate. Even in that opening robot attack they don't have the discipline to take it seriously for 60 fuckin seconds, they have to have the guy from TURISTAS who looks like Johnny Knoxville on the phone arguing with a cartoonish Indian operator (ooh, topical) while Tyrese keeps yelling something about his left ass cheek. The music sounds like John Carpenter or TERMINATOR but the composer seems to be the only one making any effort to create drama. Everybody else is assuming the effects people will put that in later.

For a movie produced by Spielberg it's surprisingly low on awe. People are supposed to be surprised to see robots, but they always turn it into jokes. There's not one second in the movie where you believe people are really reacting to seeing robots. In JURASSIC PARK or in WAR OF THE WORLDS or many other Spielberg movies, you believed these people really were having their minds blown by what was standing right in front of them. In TRANSFORMERS they say things like "It's a robot. You know, like a super advanced robot. It's probably Japanese," and you're supposed to laugh.

And half the time nobody even notices the robots. I should mention there is one other robot in this part of the movie, a little bad guy robot who makes wacky troll noises while hacking into the Pentagon computer. I think he's supposed to be the cute comic relief character, a bad idea since there is no drama or tension to relieve. He crawls around, over and through hundreds of humans waving his many limbs all over and making loud grunts and power tool noises without ever once being detected. Either these robots are invisible or the people in charge of our national security are even more incompetent than anyone ever imagined.

So you got this hour of waiting for it to get to the god damn robots, and then when it happens you realize you don't like them that much more than the people. Admittedly, they are the one thing that makes this more watchable than the other Michael Bay movies. From the ones I've seen I think this is his worst movie, but it's bad in a more fascinating way, like a $200 million version of that tv show "Power Rangers." After a good hour fifteen of failed jokes, the probably-meant-to-be-serious introduction of the good guy Transformers is finally laugh out loud hilarious. They just look so fucking silly posing and saying their names and they talk in voices just like the old cartoons, so it almost seems like one of those meta-ironical type movies like FAT ALBERT or THE BRADY BUNCH where TV characters come to life in the "real" world to show how goofy they are. And this is one of the great "did I really just see that?" moments when one of the robots says something along the lines of "Yo yo yo wussssUUUUUUPPPP Autobots REPRESENT!" and I don't think he was eating robotic chicken or watermelon but I swear to you on my mother's grave that he started breakdancing. And I'm sure black stereotype robot was in other parts of the movie but the next time I was sure it was the same character was at the end when Optimus Prime was casually holding his broken-in-half corpse like it was the pieces of a plate he dropped.

But before it gets to the fighting, buckle up for a whole lot more "comedy." There's a section, probaly originally planned as a sitcom pilot but then used as part of the movie, where the robots hide in Shia's backyard. They break things and say "funny" lines and try not to be spotted when Shia's parents look out the window. This seems to support the "Transformers are invisible" theory because they're fucking 50 feet tall and shaking the earth with every step but nobody sees them. In fact, they might be like the Velveteen Rabbit or whatever the children's story is where only a kid can see them and adults can't because they don't have the magic of childlike innocence in their hearts or whatever. Anyway, Shia is able to get into his bedroom and his parents accuse him of jerkin off, and you can imagine all the "comedy" "gold" they are able to squeeze out by riffing on that one. I think it's supposed to be funny to see the serious Transformers characters involved in this sort of wackiness, but since they have not yet portrayed in a serious light there is nothing to contrast it with.

At this point the movie is beyond feature length and then they introduce a new villain, John Turturro as a Men In Black type agent under the mistaken impression that he's being funny. His performance is over-the-top enough to fit in in a movie like SPACE JAM or ROCKY AND BULLWINKLE, that is what they would like to do with his talents. And it keeps cutting away to a parallel storyline about a team of NSA analysts (all shaggy-haired twentysomething hipsters) and secretary of defense John Voight and Anthony Anderson playing Kevin Smith's character from LIVE FREE OR DIE HARD and a giant alien cube discovered in ice by Shia's great great grandfather. And all the robots are here on earth to find a pair of glasses, which are in Shia's bedroom in a backpack, so it should probaly have taken 30 seconds of screen time to get to them instead of 90 minutes. There is a part that I almost think I might've dreamed but I remember it so vividly, where there is a cartoon BOING! sound and then there's a long shot of one of the robots proudly pissing all over John Turturro. This guy has toiled away in independent film for decades, done so much great work and in order to get a pay check he has to get R. Kellyed by a fucking cartoon robot. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be funny or if it's supposed to be sexy but it failed on both counts. And then all the sudden Shia's car/robot/pet gets shocked and dragged away on cables and the score turns into violins like it's SCHINDLER'S LIST. It is an understatement to say that this heartwrenching music is not earned. It's like if Jennifer Love Hewitt's character in GARFIELD found out she had cancer and we were expected to get choked up.

Towards the end the movie starts to be more about Transformers. But if any of the filmatists were interested in turning them into actual characters they must've been too busy running errands or something to add that into the movie. Optimus Prime is pretty funny because he speaks almost entirely in platitudes. My guess is they didn't have time to write or record dialogue for him so they just used a key chain where you push buttons and different Transformers soundbites come out. His voice is awesome, the only thing resembling gravitas in the movie. He is shamelessly corny and old fashioned, while every other element of the movie is trying to be irreverent and self aware. So it's so out of place you gotta laugh any time he speaks.

I guess this is the part that people wanted, the BIG ACTION SEQUENCE where robots chase a boy carrying a cube over buildings. Some robots do flips and fight each other. The effects are obviously very expensive and somebody worked a long time on making them, so way to go, E for Effort. But I think the Lord would agree with me when I say Jesus Christ, if this is what you guys consider exciting action sequences I don't even know how to relate to you anymore.

Imagine you took apart a whole bunch of cars, mixed the parts up and welded them all together into a giant ball maybe 15 or 20 feet in diameter, then rolled it down a hill. Shoot that in closeup and you got every fight scene in this movie. I'm sure the Michael Bay style is a huge contributing factor, but I'm pretty sure you could've shot these fights with a stationary camera like a boxing match and I still would have no clue what the fuck was going on. I am no expert on robotics but to my untrained eye, these robots look like shit. Their designs are so overly complicated you can't tell which part is which. One robot (I think a bad guy robot, but not sure) goes flipping through the air in slow motion and while staring at it I was not entirely sure which end was up. There are scenes that are close on Optimus's face while he's talking where I could not even make out a face. I never knew which robot was which or who was a good guy or bad guy or what vehicle was what robot. Luckily Optimus has a shiny blue part on him, occasionally I would see shiny blue and know that hey, that's Optimus! I spotted one!

What Michael Bay has already done to action editing and staging he has now done to character design. If Walt Disney really was a frozen head he would probaly be driven out of hiding to bite Michael Bay's nose off for what he has done here. I don't think the animation is very good either, they all move too fast and seem kind of weightless and don't know how to stand still, but it's kind of pointless to even get into that when they just look so god damn ugly and confusing that even in slow motion they disgrace the many talented artists who were roped into working on this shit. If you're gonna make us wait two hours for a big dumb robot fight at least make robots that we can tell apart or can distinguish what they are doing or which part of their body is the head. In a Godzilla movie I can tell which one is Godzilla and which one is Mothra without studying it frame by frame and comparing it to charts and diagrams.

In the interest of balance, I will say some nice things about the movie. There's a part where the Transformers are in car form and they are driving around, they are all brand new and shiny stupid looking vehicles and it's shot like a car commercial. That was pretty funny. Also, it was nice that the horrible rock music only came on about four or five times, not constantly like in the cartoon version. The military stuff, sometimes that reminded me of the old '80s action movies, all this military hardware they were showing. The constant ludicrousness of every single aspect of the movie makes it less boring than many bad movies, like a GHOST RIDER or a NATIONAL TREASURE. And, the, uh-- I guess I haven't seen a side wheely in a movie in a while. I don't know. I'm sure there are other positive aspects.

I can't remember the last time I saw a movie that left me this befuddled that it actually existed. Now I know how your parents felt when they took you to see TRANSFORMERS THE MOVIE. "Well, I guess this is what kids like now. Huh." I mean look, Moriarty's main argument was that the movie "delivers" and you can't argue with a movie "delivering." But fuck man, I guess I don't know what "delivery" is then. To me, this was an awe-inspiringly awful mess from start to finish, with no good characters, no sense of tension or drama, an asinine plot, badly told, full of constant, annoying attempts at humor, muddled action sequences and effects that hurt your brain trying to look at them. If you people are complaining about something like SPIDER-MAN 3 being too silly and then giving this one a pass, I don't know what the fuck is going on. The best "characters" in the movie are the robots during the 5 or 10 minutes when they're trying to be serious, and those scenes come off campier than SHOWGIRLS. I haven't seen FANTASTIC FOUR 2 but I can't imagine it could be THAT much more moronic, poorly executed and groan-inducing than this one. I mean this one really is off the charts, it's a record breaker. It probaly required alien technology to make it like this.

I know it's not fair to drop the B&R bomb, it's like comparing people to Hitler in political discussion. But TRANSFORMERS is honestly approaching BATMAN AND ROBIN proportions of horribleness. You can't say it's as bad, because the lighting is nice and nobody's wearing rubber fetish costumes or pink gorilla suits, but it's a similar type of minding-numbing machine gun barrage of moronic, inept garbage. And it goes on for almost 2 1/2 hours, longer than some interrogations.

So in a way, that does explain to me why some people might enjoy this. Some people like to be whipped and peed on. And it's an instant camp classic. I know people who get a good laugh out of shitty movies like INDEPENDENCE DAY, and I will definitely demand that they see this shit on video, because it makes INDEPENDENCE DAY look like 2001. It's so full of quick cuts and preposterousness I'm sure I missed all kinds of things. They were already onto the next scene by the time my brain processed the fact that I had just seen a Mountain Dew machine transform into a bad guy robot. Hopefully he will be the main villain in the sequel. But he'll be defeated by a good guy Nike truck. I can't see enjoying this on anything other than an ironic or anthropological "human beings really made this!" type level. No matter how it plays this summer, this movie is so full of bad taste and "what the fuck?" moments that I do believe it will live on. Ten or fifteen years from now, when some theater in a college town plays it as a double feature with ROADHOUSE, it will absolutely kill.

Did the movie work on my crowd? I'm not sure. Some of the lame jokes got laughs. Some got none. There were parts obviously meant to be crowdpleasers where you would hear one person clap or laugh in the back somewhere. There was definitely alot of sarcastic wooing and clapping. But there was also some applause at the end, which I'm gonna assume was sincere. We have already seen enough reviews to know that some people can enjoy this. I talked to a guy who loved it, said it was the best movie he's seen this year, that it knew what it was and was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek and what do you expect, it's The Transformers, it's a summer blockbuster movie, it's awesome. I'm glad he enjoyed it, but none of those arguments hold water with me, and I can't help but be sad that this is what we are willing to accept as entertainment. BATMAN AND ROBIN knew what it was and was supposed to be tongue-in-cheek and what did we expect. And if just because it's Transformers it's allowed to be inept, moronic garbage, then why are we going to see a movie based on Transformers in the first place? I know DADDY DAY CAMP is gonna be awful but I don't expect these same people running out saying that was awesome because what do you expect, it's DADDY DAY CAMP.

And I know I made this point in talkbacks, and so have others, but it bears repeating. DIE HARD was a blockbuster/popcorn/summer/event movie. So was ALIENS. And TERMINATOR 2. RAIDERS OF THE LOST ARK. STAR WARS. JAWS. ROAD WARRIOR. PREDATOR. ROBOCOP. TOTAL RECALL. THE MATRIX. LORD OF THE RINGS. You people who like your BATMAN and SPIDER-MAN and X-MEN and SUPERMAN and James Bond and LETHAL WEAPON... these are all big event movies, many of them timeless, many of them clever, well-crafted, some of them masterpieces. I am not being pretentious, I am not expecting too much, these are mainstream, crowd pleasing movies and they are what you used to hope for when you went to a summer movie. You can't realistically expect a movie as good as ALIENS every time, but that's better than resigning to the idea that "summer movie" equals "horribly made infantile disposable pap" and being excited about it anyway. If a summer movie is meant to be like TRANSFORMERS, then why the fuck aren't you people embarrassed to be going to see summer movies? At least have the decency to admit that it's a strange, possibly deviant hobby.

Everyone expects this movie to be a huge runaway hit, a moneymaking juggernaut. It happened with ARMAGEDDON and INDEPENDENCE DAY and I lived through election 2004, so certainly I can see that happening. But man oh man do I not get it. Women, especially, I have respect for, and I cannot understand them getting any sort of enjoyment out of these goofy cartoon junkpiles wrestling each other and saying things like "One shall stand and one shall fall!" If this is accepted as good entertainment then we're another step closer to the world of IDIOCRACY and the hit movie ASS.

If America loves this movie, I want a fuckin recount.

But what about my Michael Bay loving buddy? Did he like it? I wasn't sitting near him at the screening and as the movie went on I started to get concerned about what I was gonna say to him afterwards. I hoped he was having a good time, and I mean, I cannot comprehend his love for the other Bay movies. So I couldn't predict what he would think. But at the same time I could not actually picture him walking up to me with a straight face and saying "That was awesome!" And I couldn't guarantee that if that happened I wouldn't shake my head sadly, turn and walk away, our friendship forever weakened by a feeling that we just weren't from the same planet.

The credits roll. I find Mr. Armageddon. He smiles and says, "That was a piece of shit! That was fucking garbage! Terrible!"

So thank you Michael Bay for bringing the world closer together. We can have peace some day. We just can't have good robot movies.

--Vern
http://www.geocities.com/outlawvern

Fool Me Twice...Shame on...um...

Saw Transformers again tonight. Time for the full on review.

The first time I saw the movie it was with a theater full of fanboys. The kind that know that Frenzy should be a tape, but don't mind so much that he is a boombox. The kind that mind the fact that the character that was a unique character that actually spoke, not clacked and clicked like some psychopathic digital tribal language translator.



I still think he was the Jar-Jar of the movie.

When the movie ended there was silence and we all left, regardless of scenes (credit scenes) still playing. A general sense of unease.

Second time was 2 days later at a 4 pm showing on the 4th of July. General audience, it got a round of applause at the end! It was for the eye candy.

Moving on. The scenes with Bumblebee, Sam and Megan Fox (whatever her characters name was) were good. The scene where the Autobots stated their names and purposes? Lame, Jazz is just too over the top, I like the touch where he does a little breakdance move when he transforms. But the whole urban ghetto thing was just too much in that intro scene. Rachets comments on phermone levels was well done, and funny. The scene where Ironhide offers to destroy Sam's parents, retarded.

Subtlety is best but not Bay's strong point.

In fact that whole backyard garden scene was a waste of celluloid, and terribly edited. You could see entire scenes that had been removed. The rendering time spent on that could have been spent on slowing some of the combat scenes down to the point of being able to observe them.

Which is one of my biggest issues with this movie. The action. One, it slows down to near a crawl by the halfway point. The action that does occur happens so fast its only a blur. Barricade and Bumblebee, a mere blur, you can see absolutely nothing. The camera has to pan back to Barricade to show that he lost. Prime and Bonecrusher. Did you know Prime has a sword in his arm? Did you know he used it to cut off Bone crushers head? Well I had to watch it twice to really get that scene. Sure its well rendered, sure the lightning is great and real. Only it happens so fast you can't enjoy it.


After that its a blur of red, blue and tan metal as they tumble about. Whenever the animators take the camera at a distance the scene is amazing. The scene when Blackout annihilates the army base in Qatar was sick. Looked like it was straight out of Mechwarrior. Loved it. The battle between Optimus and Megatron? Ugh.



Now there they actually fight, smack talk a little. Now its a bit cheesy since its animated from the 80's but still. I can follow it. If only the focused on the scene more, gave it a few minutes to develop, get some dialogue going.

Megatron escapes from the Hoover Dam after being imprisoned for decades. He just flies off? Um, the Megatron I know would have leveled that human edifice with a massive blast from his cannon, which we see 1.5 blurred seconds of in a fight with Optimus. Now that would have been cool.

I still despise the Sector 7 addition. Lame. I hate the concept of the modern military so easily discovering a method to hurt them. Hate the complete and utter lack of character development in any of the transformers. And the Decepticons? Man, zero development. Big helicopter that kills, big tank that kills, big truck thing with venus fly trap that kills, etc.

How about the scene were Rachet brings Prime the two halves of Jazz and says he couldn't save him. Prime is there holding Jazz like a hotdog and coke talking about how they lost a friend but gained new ones. He sounded like the king in The Holy Grail after the brides father "dies".



How the heck is a 20 foot tall Autobot taken out by fire extinguishers? The way they caught Bumblebee was completely lame. A sweet ion cannon type device would have been cooler. Heck, they were reverse engineering all of Megatrons parts. (he was a super advanced nonbiological entity how did we get vaccuum tubes from that guy and not super awesome particle beam weapons?)

It was seriously like a couple of high school kids who only knew about transformers from seeing a display at Toys R Us made this movie. Zero interaction between the autobots, almost zero interaction between the decepticons.

After seeing it a second time I can say, that although it wasn't TINO (Transformers In Name Only) it wasn't close to accomplishing all that it could. It was a mile off.

sure hope they hand the franchise to someone who can manage some character development. Like how about, hmmm...SPIELBURG! Get out of the executive producer role and do something like direct a movie.

Great visual effects, good use of Peter Cullen. But that's about it. I give it 2.5 out of 5 stars.

Transformers

Just got back from the movie. Went and saw the 9:15 showing.

Liked parts of it, love other parts and down right hated a few scenes and directorial decisions.

John Turturro as a Sector 7 agent was absolutely retarded. Awful.

That stupid boombox Frenzy Decepticon was the freaking Jar-Jar Binks of this movie. Hated him.

The autobots were cool. The scene at Sam's house retarded. Prime and Bonecrusher, cool. Prime and Megatron? Aborted and weak.

Tune in Wednesday when I see it again and have more time for a full review. So far my feelings run this way.

Cool movie because it has Transformers. Should have been a thousand times better for having Transformers in it. Leave out the dumb humans.

HEY!!

Feel free to comment on my witty witticisms! I don't mind! Makes me feel like I'm being read. I know I'm not and absolutely no one reads this but if you would post once in a while I would feel like someone does.

Thanks

Hey Look Over There!

Theres a new blog in town. Created by everyone's favorite neuronal jelly!

Go and see me build a house, well first wreck a house and then build it.

Check out Exostra (it's Latin check that out too)

Our Tongues Can't Repel Flavor Of That Magnitude

Best line all month. Someone tape this for me.